HIDDEN GEMS (Horror Movies)

HIDDEN GEMS

By Randy Romero (With contributions by Dexter Lynch)

In case you’re looking for some new (well, old) horror movie recommendations, I decided to compile a list of twenty hidden gems. Now I understand that some of these may not be considered hidden gems to horror fanatics like myself, but I’m sure some of these titles have been overlooked by many. And don’t expect any long, drawn out reviews. I’m only going to name the titles and share some personal thoughts or give a brief description of each title. Special thanks to Dexter Lynch for helping me put this together. You can find him on Twitter @SonOfSamLoomis.

My Little Eye (2002): If you’re looking for blood and gore, this will disappoint you. This film is a very slow burn, and relies more on mystery and nail biting suspense. The film is about five young adults who are selected to spend six months in an isolated mansion while being filmed at all times. The catch is that none of them can leave. If they last six months, they each walk away with a million dollars. They think they’re part of an internet based reality series, but when a lost computer programmer who spends most of his time on the internet, shows up on their property and doesn’t even recognize them, they begin to suspect otherwise. This film features a small cameo from a young Bradley Cooper, who plays the stranded computer programmer.

Frailty (2001): Underrated is the first word that comes to mind, though underappreciated might be the better term. This is a film about something that truly scares me because it’s very real; fanaticism. Directed by and starring Bill Paxton, the film also stars Matthew McConaughey and Powers Boothe. In the film, McConaughey’s character pays a visit to an FBI agent (Boothe) and unloads an unbelievable tale about his childhood, where his father (Paxton) believed he was being commanded by God to kill demons in disguise. When their father died, McConaughey’s brother picked up where he left off.

Waxwork (1988): A story about a group of teens lured to a wax museum, where they discover the horror exhibits are even realer than they appear. If they get close enough to the displays, they are transported to a different period in time, where they come face to face with a werewolf, Count Dracula, and the Marquis de Sade, among other threats. There was a sequel, which honestly wasn’t very good and I could’ve lived without watching it.

The Borrower (1991): This title blends horror with science fiction. An evil alien is banished to the planet Earth as punishment for his intergalactic crimes. He’s disguised as a human but with one small problem…every few hours, the alien begins to revert to its true form, prompting him to “borrow” heads from helpless victims to continue to live in disguise and evade capture. Twin Peaks fans may spot Madchen Amick in a small role as a rock groupie. Tommy Towles from House of 1000 Corpses and Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer also has a role in this enjoyable Sci-Fi horror flick.

The Hidden (1987): Another film that falls under the Sci-Fi/horror genre. This title is about an alien parasite that possesses human bodies, forcing them to commit violent, senseless crimes. Hunting this extraterrestrial criminal is an FBI agent who may have a few secrets of his own (played by Kyle MacLachlan of Twin Peaks fame, a show where he also played an FBI agent). The film is definitely more Sci-Fi and action than it is horror, but it’s still a fun ride. The opening car chase sequence is a great set up. Directed by Jack Sholder, who also directed Nightmare on Elm Street 2.

Madman (1982): A group of campers accidentally summon an axe-wielding killer named Madman Marz. This is a by-the-books slasher that borrowed a tiny bit from its predecessor Friday the 13^th, but memorable enough to stand out on its own. Fans of Friday the 13^th and similar titles should definitely enjoy this campfire killer story.

Intruder (1989): The crew of a local supermarket are terrorized and killed off one by one by an unseen stalker. Is the check-out girl’s jealous, violent ex-boyfriend behind all this, or is this the gruesome work of somebody else? Written and directed by Scott Spiegel, produced by Sam Raimi, and featuring a cameo by Bruce Campbell. The film was also produced and co-written by Lawrence Bender (Pulp Fiction). Another fun fact: This is the first film that KNB Effects worked on.

Videdrome (1983): Directed by the brilliant David Cronenberg (The Fly, The Dead Zone, Scanners), this movie follows the president of a small TV station that reels viewers in with everything from hardcore violence to softcore pornography. When Max Renn (James Woods) stumbles onto Videodrome, a pointless, plotless show where people are seemingly tortured and murdered for the viewers “pleasure”, he wants to find out who made it and get it on the air. Once Max is exposed to Videodrome, he experiences bizarre hallucinations that combine sex with violence. Is Max losing his mind? Or is there a power behind these Videodrome transmissions?

Witchboard (1986): I was pleasantly surprised the first time I watched this. I went in not knowing what to expect and was actually quite impressed. A young woman uses a Ouija Board at a party and is promptly terrorized by a spirit that wants to weaken her in order to possess her. This is a creepy and clever little flick that often gets avoided or overlooked. But I think it deserves to be on this list and I hope more people give it a shot.

The Prowler (1981): By the early 80's, the horror genre was booming, with new titles popping up on a weekly basis. One of the adverse effects was the fact that a lot of these slasher titles got overlooked. Such is the case with The Prowler. In 1945, a couple is attacked and murdered by a mysterious prowler dressed in World War II army fatigues. 35 years later, the prowler returns.

The Prince of Darkness (1987): The name John Carpenter is synonymous with horror. The man gave us horror classics like Halloween and The Thing. He terrified us with The Fog. He blew us away with Escape from New York. But I feel like this title always gets overlooked. A priest, played by Donald Pleasence, discovers a mysterious cylinder containing a strange green liquid. The liquid is the embodiment of Satan himself, and those that are exposed to the liquid become possessed. Like most early Carpenter films, this one is tense and carries a classic Carpenter music score.

Eaten Alive (1976): The “forgotten” Tobe Hooper film. Texas Chainsaw fans will rejoice with this film, which retains the same manic, psychotic energy of his seminal film. It also continued Hooper’s brilliant use of sound to enhance the craziness and the suspense. In the film, crazy Judd runs the Starlight and sacrifices his guests to the crocodile that lives in the swamp beside his hotel. The film features an early appearance by Robert Englund, and also stars Marilyn Burns of Texas Chainsaw fame.

Angel Heart (1987): Takes elements of horror and the supernatural, and applies them to a 1950s hardboiled detective story. With Mickey Rourke as its main star, and Robert DeNiro playing the mysterious Louie Cypher, I don’t know if this counts as a hidden gem. But it’s a horror movie that rarely gets mentioned. Harry Angel (Rourke) is a private detective who’s hired to track down a missing musician named Johnny Favorite. His client is bizarre and mysterious, the people he questions start to turn up dead, and horrific visions plague him on his journey to find Johnny Favorite.

Slugs (1988): A movie about killer slugs that were spawned by toxic waste (it’s always toxic waste or nuclear radiation, isn’t it). The film is that simple. It sounds cheesy, and it is. But it’s fun to watch and surprisingly well written. The film maintains a small cult following from horror geeks like myself.

Happy Birthday to Me (1981): Another slasher cult classic that got lost in the fray. I don’t want to spoil anything because this is a film with a twist. But this slasher flick is a step above the rest and very memorable. If you’re a fan of the 80’s slasher genre, you definitely need to check this out.

Curtains (1983): This is not your standard slasher movie. An actress gets herself committed to prove to her director how dedicated she is to her role in his next film. The director is in on it and even helps her get committed. You can imagine how surprised the actress is when she finds out the director is looking to cast a new lead in the film. He invites a few girls up to a secluded mansion to audition for the role. But one of the girls is willing to kill for this role, and that’s exactly what they do. The mask featured in this film is super creepy.

Cutting Class (1989): Featuring Brad Pitt in one of his first major roles. Teachers and students start turning up dead at a high school, and suspicion falls on Brian Woods, a problem teen who was just released from a mental institution not too long ago. But is somebody setting Brian up? Or is he truly guilty? The kills in this slasher are pretty unique, and you could tell by watching this that Brad Pitt was destined to be a star.

Dead and Breakfast (2004): It’s horror. It’s a comedy. It’s a musical? Well, it is in one particular scene. This zombie comedy is a riot and the plot doesn’t follow the standard zombie playbook. A group of friends on their way to a wedding get stranded in the small town of Lovelock. They crash at the bed and breakfast. But when the cook is murdered and the proprietor dies under suspicious circumstances, the stubborn sheriff forbids any of them to leave until he gets answers. The sheriff is played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan of TWD fame. The eccentric owner was in possession of a mysterious box that has the ability to trap and possess souls. Once it ends up in the wrong hands, all hell breaks loose. The special effects are gnarly and the film itself is quite entertaining.

Deep Rising (1998): This film is a guilty pleasure of mine. This has enough gore to classify it as a horror film, but there’s tons of action and plenty of sharp, witty dialogue to make it a joyride. I think Roger Ebert said it best when he said this film is basically Aliens with a fresh paint job. Instead of a spaceship, they’re trapped on an actual ship. Instead of alien creatures, its mutated sea creatures. There’s even a little nod to Aliens when the tentacle creatures open their mouths to reveal a second mouth. The creature effects are quite impressive for its time, when they were just starting to get the hang of CGI and digital effects. The film has a great cast of recognizable actors who all play their parts very well.

Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016): The entire film has this lingering sense of dread and doom. Bravo to the director for pulling that off. I don’t want to spoil too much. It’s better if you just watch it and see how it unfolds. The cops discover a bloody multiple homicide, and make an even more shocking discovery in the basement, when they find a fourth body. A son assists his coroner father in doing the autopsy on the Jane Doe. There are no external visible signs of trauma, but her ankles and wrists are fractured, her tongue has been crudely cut out, her organs scarred and blackened. I don’t know if this title quite belongs on this list, but I’m sure there are some people who have missed out on this film.

WORST MOVIES EVER: First Edition (By Dexter Lynch)

WORST MOVIES EVER

By Dexter Lynch

Welcome to the first edition of “Worst Movies Ever”. I’m your benevolent (or should I say malevolent) host, Dexter Lynch. You can find me on Twitter @sonofsamloomis (shameless plug).

I don’t know when the next edition will be posted. Probably when I have more free time, which is almost never. But this first entry comes right in time for Halloween. So without any further ado, I’ll be giving you the rundown on some of the worst movies ever, starting with the horror genre. I’ll keep this short, sweet, and to the point. And if you don’t want to take my word for it, track some of these duds down and judge for yourself.

Iced (1988): Chances are you’ve never heard of this one. And if that’s the case, consider yourself lucky. It’s basically a soap opera masquerading as a slasher film. The plot is senseless, the characters are unsympathetic. And it has one of the most ridiculous ending I’ve ever seen in a horror movie, and I’m including the end of Christmas Evil. Watch a real horror movie instead of this tripe. Or if the soap opera element intrigues you, just go and watch Days of our Lives (is that show still on the air?)

The Forest (1982): This is an incoherent mess of a film featuring terrible acting and a mediocre score. Seriously, the scariest thing about this movie is the acting. And the death scenes leave a lot to be desired. Not to mention that the whole ghost children subplot is utterly absurd and feels completely out of place. Avoid this film like a case of the clap.

Night of the Demon (1980): Not to be confused with Night of the Demons (1988). A solid horror score was wasted on this otherwise banal, unremarkable take on the Bigfoot legend. Poor special effects, unconvincing Bigfoot makeup, continuity errors galore; this film has all the red flags of a bad horror movie. My favorite lapse in continuity was the doctor whose face was practically burned off, but when the authorities question him in the hospital, the top half of his face is okay while the rest is hidden under a white sheet. And since when does Bigfoot use an ax or a butcher knife? He’s freaking Bigfoot for crying out loud! The only decent special effect was the “ax through the skull” bit.

A Blade in the Dark (1983): This title falls under the giallo subgenre. The only positive thing I can say about this film is that it has an excellent horror score. The film itself is a tedious, uneventful slasher. Poor effects, little blood, virtually no gore. The slow, plodding story drags out in a futile attempt to create suspense. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t succeed in creating suspense. Avoid this film like your ex.

Psycho Cop (1989): The first Psycho Chop makes a huge mistake by taking itself too seriously. The sequel, Psycho Cop Returns didn’t have that same problem. It knew exactly what it was and it had a lot of fun with that, infusing bloody carnage with over-the-top humor and awful one liners that you can’t help but chuckle at. That’s sadly not the case with the original Psycho Cop. The story follows serial killing cop/devil worshiper Joe Vickers AKA Gary Henley AKA Ted Warnicky. The acting is atrocious to say the very least, and the kills are uninspired. It could’ve been a fun, likable popcorn flick. Instead it was a routine slasher that shares none of the positive qualities of similar titles like Maniac Cop. Don’t watch it unless you’re a glutton for punishment.

Book Review: THE RAJANI CHRONICLES 3: WAR By Brian S. Converse

Book Review:

THE RAJANI CHRONICLES 3: WAR

BY BRIAN S. CONVERSE

Full disclosure: I have not read the first two books in this trilogy…yet. Having said that, it still didn’t stop me from thoroughly enjoying this expertly written work of science fiction.

A little backstory: Rajani aliens are at war with intergalactic space pirates known as the Krahn. Forced to flee their home planet, the Rajini recruit five humans to aid them in their battle. There’s James Dempsey, a former Detroit police lieutenant, and the leader of the humans. Gianni, the nephew of a crime boss, who tries to hide his shady past from the others. Kieren, Gianni’s love interest. Yvette, who is hiding a secret of her own from James. And David, who may not be all that he seems.

The humans have been implanted with Johar Stones, which bless them with powers beyond their wildest imaginations. The stones are not truly stones. They are symbiotic organisms that give the humans their newfound powers and abilities. Along with their human recruits, the Rajani are also joined by Sekani and Jirina resistance fighters, all united in their fight against the Krahn. Let the war begin!

The book begins with a short recap, to catch the reader up on all that they might have missed in the two previous novels. To put it mildly, there’s quite a bit going on in this book. But I mean that in the best way possible. It’s jam packed with action, adventure, intriguing characters, and unique subplots with unexpected twists and turns. This story is as wildly unpredictable is it is immensely entertaining.

There’s not much more I can say without giving vital parts of this story away. The only question is will the Rajani emerge victorious, or will the evil Krahn conquer their adversaries? Well, there’s only one way to find out: Pick yourself up a copy of this action-packed, Sci-Fi extravaganza and see for yourself! Now I’m going to have to backtrack a bit and acquire the first two parts of this epic Sci-Fi trilogy so I can truly appreciate this exceptional saga.

So pull up a seat, pour yourself a nice big glass of fernta (alien liquor featured in the book), kick back, and enjoy the final part of this brilliant series. This book is a true gift for science fiction fans.

You can find the paperback, hardcover, and Kindle versions of this novel on Amazon, along with the first two parts of the trilogy:

https://www.amazon.com/Rajani-Chronicles-I-Stone-Soldiers/dp/0998796409

https://www.amazon.com/Rajani-Chronicles-Resistance-Brian-Converse/dp/0998796468

https://www.amazon.com/Rajani-Chronicles-III-Brian-Converse/dp/0998796492

Short Review: THE RISE OF PETER TROY: VOL ONE By Joseph DiBartolo

Review: “The Rise of Peter Troy: Volume One” by Joseph DiBartolo

Joseph DiBartolo’s novella, THE RISE OF PETER TROY VOL 1: THE DECAYED ONES, explodes out of the gate like a race horse and doesn’t stop until it reaches the finish line. In the interest of full disclosure, I have yet to read the other volumes in the Peter Troy series. But Volume One seems to serve as the catalyst, a setup for something much, much bigger.

Peter Troy, the eponymous hero of this short novel, is an instantly likable and relatable character. He’s got legal problems, a mountain of debt, and he’s incapable of getting his life together…that is until the rest of the world starts to fall apart around him.

Peter, an ex-butcher who is infatuated with zombies, has been training for this moment his whole life without even realizing it. And he certainly isn’t going down without a fight. And his vast, encyclopedic knowledge of zombies is just one of the many weapons he possesses.

Along his bizarre new journey, Peter encounters both the dead and the living. It doesn’t take long for Peter to form new alliances in his fight for survival. But these survivors aren’t just talkers, they’re doers, they’re fighters. They don’t sit around for hours, waiting or discussing their next move. The story moves at a brisk pace.

Author Joseph DiBartolo also puts an extra added twist on the zombie genre with this story. Your level of intelligence determines the type of zombie you come back as: Slow and witless, or fast and cunning. Some of the zombies are smarter and faster, while others roam aimlessly like mindless beasts out of a George A. Romero film. This creates a whole new threat for Peter and his motley crew of survivors.

THE RISE OF PETER TROY is a worthy addition to the zombie genre, with a protagonist you can easily root for. The series is available through Amazon. If you’re a fan of the ever-growing zombie trend, I suggest giving this first volume a try. You might enjoy it as much as I did.

Short Review: DISLIKE by Isaac Thorne

Facebook.

Instagram.

Twitter.

Reddit.

The rapid evolution of social media has had quite the impact on society. But sometimes people confuse status updates with journal entries. They think what they write is private. That people don’t care enough about them to read what they write. That people won’t take them seriously. But someone is always watching.

Nowadays, you have to be careful with what you write or share on the Internet. You have to stop and ask yourself: How much information is too much information? Where do you draw the line?

These questions are explored in Isaac Thorne’s novella, DISLIKE (available through Amazon). Isaac’s story–comprised of social media comments, messages, and status updates–is a dark and poignant tale about the negative effects and influence that these social networking sites have had.

The story is also painfully realistic, to the point where I found myself shaking my head at the main characters shameless indiscretions. William Dennison, fueled by alcohol and rage, takes to the Internet to vent his frustrations about his soon-to-be-ex-wife. His friends and former co-workers try to cheer him up and talk some sense into him, but William Dennison seems hostile and inconsolable.

Through a series of status updates, we learn that William has lost his job and his wife on the same day. We also learn that he has a gun in his possession…

This is what would’ve happened if Travis Bickle had a Facebook account in Taxi Driver. But all movie references and comparisons aside, Isaac’s story is a concise, dark, and disturbingly realistic portrayal of a man who feels he has nothing left to lose.

Sometimes the simplest stories have the most powerful effect over the reader. This is a horror story for the Facebook generation, for all those millennials who are more obsessed with their iPhones and Androids than they are with the consequences of reality. It can also be viewed as a cautionary tale for those who are unsure of where to draw the line. Let this dark tale be a lesson to you: Watch what you share on social media…

The Breakfast Club: A Short Film Review

THE BREAKFAST CLUB

A Film Review

By Daniel Skye

          No, you didn’t misread the title. This is a short film review of one of my favorite movies, the Breakfast Club. It’s a shocker, I know. The guy who writes about horror and science fiction twenty-four-seven is a fan of the freaking Breakfast Club. Sue me.

          Or laugh it up if you must, but this film will forever be a classic in my mind, and in the minds of many others.

          You could make fun of me for liking this film. Or you can make fun of the fact that the movie came out in 1985 and this film review is thirty years late. Well, that’s one of the reasons I’m writing this.

          This year, 2015, marks the thirtieth anniversary of the Breakfast Club. Has the film aged well? Does it still hold up as a classic? In the end, only you can be the judge. But in my humble opinion, the issues and struggles that these characters face are just as relevant today as they were thirty years ago.

The jock (Emilio Estevez). The brain (Anthony Michael Hall). The princess (Molly Ringwald). The criminal (Judd Nelson). The basket case (Ally Sheedy). They’ve all got their own issues to deal with. But for one Saturday, they’ll have to deal with each other as well. And they’ll also learn more about themselves than they ever could outside the walls of detention.

John Hughes’ seminal coming-of-age film is a memorable one for certain. The film could very well be labeled as the defining experience of an entire generation (ok maybe I’m taking it a bit too far with that one).

The film is indeed a commentary of one particular generation, but you can’t deny the films influence on the other generations that followed. The generations of people–past and present–who were touched or influenced by this work of sheer brilliance.

In one particularly memorable confrontation between high school delinquent John Bender (Judd Nelson) and assistant principal Vernon (Paul Gleason), Bender tells the principal of his school to “eat his shorts”, a line made famous by iconic cartoon character Bart Simpson. But Nelson had first dibs, and the writers of the Simpsons were no doubt influenced by the works of Mr. Hughes, as were many comedy writers that appreciated the magic of his films.

With classic one liners and insults such as “Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?” and “Eat my shorts” being hurled at Vernon by Bender, the dialogue never gets old.

And neither does the dialogue or the interaction between the characters. You’d think the setup, five kids sitting around in detention all Saturday, would get old pretty fast.

But these five ostensible stereotypes, who started out with nothing in common, discover that they have more in common than they ever imagined. As they talk about family, they realize their “perfect” family lives aren’t so perfect after all. Not like Bender doesn’t know that one already. As they hash out the details of their existences, they realize despite their differences, they all face similar complications or pressures in their lives.

They talk about their sex lives, or their lack of sex lives. They talk about what they did to land themselves in Saturday detention. They talk and talk and it never gets old.

Claire Standish (Molly Ringwald) discovers that she’s not all that. That she’s not better than the rest. She also rejects her pristine image by giving Bender a hickey in the closet and kissing him outside the school, solidifying the bond they shared that day. As a parting gift, she removes one of her diamond earrings, shedding away her materialistic qualities.

Andrew Clarke (Emilio Estevez) discovers that he doesn’t have to be the person that he thinks his father wants him to be. That he doesn’t have to conform to certain standards. That it’s ok to be different. And different is exactly what he gets when he shares a passionate kiss with oddball Allison.

Brainiac Brian Johnson (Anthony Michael Hall) realizes just because you’re the brain, it doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It doesn’t mean you have the whole world figured out. But that’s ok too. Because high school is about discovering your true self, about shaping and molding the person you will become in the future.

Allison Reynolds (Ally Sheedy) realizes that for once in her life, it’s acceptable to be normal. That you don’t have to pretend to be someone or something that you’re not. That it’s all right to be one of the group.

And Bender discovers that secret little soft spot inside of him that was waiting to be brought out by the right person.

          The actors were all spot-on, and that’s coming from someone who doesn’t care for Emilio Estevez. There are two kinds of people in this world: People who like Emilio Estevez, and people who don’t. I belong in the latter category.

That being said, his whole tough guy jock act, like when he tells Bender to lay off Claire, felt extremely forced and it led to quite a bit of overacting on his part.

Molly Ringwald played the role of the spoiled princess to a T and was very easy on the eyes. It’s not hard to see why she was such a big star for a period of time.

Allison Reynolds (Ally Sheedy) is the film’s most complex character. Allison goes through a wide range of emotions. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think this girl has split personality disorder. She’s quirky, she’s giddy, she’s pouty, she’s shy, she’s cunning, she’s manipulative, and she’s also the odd one out. The one who doesn’t fit in to any social equation. She’s Bender times ten. And Ally Sheedy deserves a round of applause for her performance.

Brian Johnson (Anthony Michael Hall) is a nerd who knows exactly what he is. He’s shy, he’s a pushover, a doormat, incapable of standing up for himself or voicing his own opinions. Everyone thinks he’s smart. Everyone thinks he has the answers. But he can’t even figure out the purpose of his own existence. And Anthony Michael Hall played this role well. And he continued to play it throughout his entire character.

Judd Nelson is the other standout in this movie. He channeled the rage and frustration his character felt while still remaining likable and sympathetic. At the end of the movie, I was rooting for him to kiss Claire. His performance and Ally Sheedy’s memorable character truly stand out above the rest in this film.

Paul Gleason did well in his role of the hardheaded, unlikable Richard (Dick) Vernon, a man who thinks he has life figured out, but is just as lost and confused as those misguided youths he watches over in detention.

You may walk away from this film feeling happy. You may walk away feeling sad that it’s over. You may turn it off halfway through and be sorry you even wasted your time renting it or checking it out on Netflix (I believe it’s still available, by the way). But please don’t deny the films power, its influence, and the mark it has left on our cultural landscape.

On a scale of One to Ten, I award the Breakfast Club a Nine. Maybe I’m being biased. Maybe I’m being insulting by not awarding it a Ten. But it’s still a personal favorite of mine after all these years. And if it’s a personal favorite of yours, you owe it to yourself to dust off your copy, pop it in the DVD or Blu Ray player, and celebrate thirty years of the Breakfast Club.

River of Darkness (Film Review)

RIVER OF DARKNESS

A Film Review

By Daniel Skye

     Years ago, when Blockbuster stores were still a lucrative commodity, I spotted an interesting B-movie sitting on the new release shelf. The title was End Game and it starred WWE/TNA wrestler Kurt Angle.

     I’m always up for a good B-movie, so I decided to give it a shot. And I can say with conviction that End Game was not a good B-movie.

     It was directed by a man named Bruce Koehler, who showed little promise as a writer, and even less promise as a director.

     What’s Mr. Koehler been up to since then? Well, back in 2011, he released another film. This time, he decided to take a crack at the horror genre. The title is River of Darkness, starring Kurt Angle, Sid Vicious, and Kevin Nash.

     Kurt Angle plays a small town sheriff named Will Logan who investigates a series of grisly murders. Murders that might be the work of three brothers, the Jacobs boys, who have returned from beyond the grave to seek vengeance. Nash and Sid Vicious play two out of the three Jacobs boys. Sounds like it’s got all the makings of an entertaining B-movie to me.

     A low budget horror film starring three recognizable wrestlers. How could it not be fun? Well, let’s start off by saying that when Nash and Sid Vicious do appear, which is not very often, they’re pretty much unrecognizable. The director decided to cake their faces in some kind of dirt or muck that makes it almost impossible to tell who they are.

     What could’ve been a fun little film turned into a grueling ordeal, and I couldn’t wait for it to end. This is the second chance I’ve given Bruce Koehler as a film maker, and it will be the last.

     As for the acting, not much can be said about Kevin Nash or Sid Vicious. They appear sporadically, are extremely difficult to spot, and they don’t talk, either. I think Nash is the only one who spits out a few horrible lines such as “I’m already dead!” after Angle blasts a hole in his chest with a gun.

     Kurt Angle did a decent job playing the small town sheriff who’s clearly in over his head. Of course, the dialogue was pretty bland, so there wasn’t much for him to work with. But Angle tried his best to carry the film on his back.

     I’ve never seen or heard of any of the other actors who appeared in this terrible accuse for a film, but I assume they were all local hires or people with no prior acting experience.

     The plot is fairly simple, but the director felt the need to try and add some mystique to it. He failed miserably. Thirty years prior to the recent murders, the Jacobs boys were accused of rape. There was no trial, but there was a conviction, as one of the actors says during the course of the film. A man named Harvey Hicks started up a group of vigilantes who took justice into their own hands. Now, the Jacobs boys are back for Harvey’s blood. Like I said, it could’ve been fun. Instead, it was torture.

     The writing, the editing, the directing, the lighting, the cinematography were all handled by Brue Koehler, who seemed to put zero effort into the project. As far as the directing goes, Koehler seems to have only one style: Just point the camera and shoot. B-movie or not, that simply doesn’t fly with me. You want people to watch your films and rave about them? Put some effort into it.

     I can carry on this diatribe for hours, but I won’t torture you readers or myself any longer.

     On a scale of one to ten, I award River of Darkness with a one. And that’s being extremely generous. Avoid this film at all costs.

The World's End (Film Review)

THE WORLD’S END

A Film Review

By Daniel Skye

Now I must admit, I’m one of the few guys who love horror movies that didn’t really dig Shaun of the Dead. And as far as Hot Fuzz goes, I can take it or leave it. The last time I saw Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, I was sitting in the theaters with an ex-girlfriend of mine watching a film called Paul.

Due to poor promotion, I had no knowledge of Paul until we showed up at the theater that night and saw that it was playing. Since the movie we wanted to see was predictably sold out, I let my ex make the call and she chose Paul.

Now Paul was an enjoyable experience for me. I honestly enjoyed it more than any of Edgar Wright’s previous efforts (granted he didn’t direct, he only worked on the script). So when I heard about the film The World’s End (another film that slipped under my radar for a while due to poor promotion), I figured I’d give it a chance. Well, I’m here to say that I’m glad I did.

Five guys. Twelve pubs. Twelve pints.

Four buddies reluctantly reunite at the behest of their friend, Gary (Simon Pegg) to take part in the ultimate pub crawl that they failed to complete during their glory days of drinking.

Gary is an alcoholic who hasn’t changed a bit since his high school days. He once sold his friends guitar for drugs and is still driving around in a car that’s been registered to one of his friends since 1989. Needless to say, the old gang isn’t too pleased to see Gary when he returns to bring the band back together for one more rowdy night of drinking.

They all have good jobs, good homes, wives and families; something Gary obviously cannot relate to. But with a lot of badgering and persuading, his friends agree to tag along.

Andy (Nick Frost), Steven (Paddy Considine), Oliver (Martin Freeman), and Peter (Eddie Marsan) are clearly frustrated with Gary’s juvenile antics, but they also seem to except the fact that some things never change.

Just as they’re all about to go their separate ways, a freakish altercation that takes place in the men’s room of one of the pubs forces them to stick together and fight for their lives.

Turns out, the folks in their old town have been replaced by alien androids (think The Stepford Wives). If they want to make it to the World’s End (the final pub on their map), they’ll have to survive the night first.

Sam (Rosamund Pike) crosses path with the group and is first informed of the invasion by Gary. Naturally, she doesn’t believe him in his drunken state and remains unconvinced until she sees it with her own two eyes.

Joining the group, they continue to hop from bar to bar in an attempt to blend in and remain inconspicuous. A lot of good that does them…

Nick Frost and Simon Pegg are spot on in their roles and provide plenty of laughs, as do the supporting cast. I wish I could say more about the supporting actors, but this was my first time seeing most of them aside from Rosamund Pike.

Pierce Brosnon does pop up for a brief but entertaining cameo, but with all due respect to Mr. Brosnon, anyone could have easily filled that small role.

This film all depends on your comedic preferences, but a lot of the dialogue had me in stitches and I was thoroughly entertained from start to finish.

     On a scale of one to ten, I award the World’s End a seven and a half.